Chemistry

My brain is officially closed to chemistry. The exam is on Wednesday, but I've already checked out. What an intensely complicated set of classes it was. I advise any future chemistry class takers to become actual chemists, because that would help...a lot. Here's the ten rules to being an aspiring chemist in college:
1) Forget about being creative.
2) Abandon the hope of feeling good about yourself for as long as you are learning the material.
3) Drop every other class, so as not to distract yourself from chemistry.
4) Dump your girlfriend, so as not to mix Chemistry with chemistry.
5) Let rules go for awhile; wearing two different socks and putting deodorant in only one pit has a slightly different effect than four day old boxers and no deodorant, and attracts completely different ions.
6) Drink alcohol from Erlenmeyer flasks, because the closer you tie yourself to the curriculum the better.
7) Make your homepage http://msu.lon-capa.org/ and eat all your meals at the computer.
8) Mosh pit. But not for stress relief, just to feel what it's like to be an atom.
9) Watch old MacGyver episodes and CSI before the big exams to learn some tricks of the trade.
10) Assign inane charges to yourself and your friends and let that dictate who you stick to for the rest of the semester.

Hope that helps you, you huge fat carbon-based supercreatures. The fact is you will never be thin; flourine atoms will always be thinner. And flourine atoms will never be svelte, because introns are even skinnier!